People of faith address the pain of the separation and loss through rituals of mourning. Mourning is a corporate experience that takes place in a public way. The Jews practice a seven-day period of mourning which engages the friends and family of the deceased. The Jewish community also observes a “Yahrzeit,” which is an annual observance of a person’s passing.

In Islam, mourning involves friends and family offering prayers for the dead asking for forgiveness on behalf of the deceased and offering a final prayer for the deceased at the funeral. The Buddhists offer weekly prayers for the deceased for a period of 49 days. Even though it is informal, our mourning rituals as Christians involve gathering at the home of the deceased, sharing meals, sending cards, flowers, telegrams, etc. Mourning is a communal experience and it has a definite beginning and a definite end. The cards stop coming, the visits and the calls stop as well and the end of mourning leaves those who survive to deal with the meaning of their loss in a personal way. Dealing with death would be easy if mourning was all that the process required. But when we lose a loved one, we mourn with the public and we grieve alone.

Mourning periods can last seven days or forty-nine days, but grief has no set time limit. Even though grief is a personal experience, the congregation should not forget that our presence is a ministry to persons who are grieving and although we cannot grieve for anyone, we can facilitate their grief and accelerate their healing.

Grief expresses itself in many ways, mainly through feelings of shock, anger, depression and guilt, as well as acceptance and hope. If we look at the death of a loved one in constant disbelief and denial, we are still in shock over their death. If we notice lingering feelings of agitation and frustration after a loss, it may mean that our grief has taken on the form of anger. If we find ourselves lost in self-pity or overwhelmed by feelings of worthlessness, our grief has manifested in depression. Grief is embodied in guilt if we blame ourselves, or worry that we could have done more to prevent the death. The presence of such feelings is to be expected, but the long-term persistence of such feelings is a sign that we may need to reach out for help.

Grief that is healthy will not leave us in a constant state of sadness, but we eventually come to a point of acceptance and hope. Through acceptance and hope, we find a way to accept that things have changed. We recognize that because of the change, things will never be the same, but we give ourselves permission to move forward in spite of our losses.

Here are some activities to keep in mind when Coping with Grief:

• Movement - walk, run, drive or fly. Don’t get locked in one space.

• Physical Maintenance - don’t forget to eat and drink, many people become ill during this time.

• Journal - write out feelings and memories. Note your movement through the grief experience.

• Remember - put together a memory book, include sayings, pictures, and other memorabilia that sustains the memory of your loved one.

• Support - seek out groups, visit a therapist, set up an appointment with a pastor, or choose a special friend to talk with.

• Acceptance - grief is real, it won’t allow us to ignore it, and we cannot drink or drug it away. Recognize that grief is the soul’s way of acknowledging the importance of others to our lives.

In the end, we will find that grief teaches us the importance of being loved and loving others in return.